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Funny Parenting Quotes - Simigarten

25 Funny Parenting Quotes

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We‘ve gathered some of the most hilarious and true parenting quotes that are spoken by parents like you. Take a break from parenting, even if it‘s just for a few minutes, and enjoy.


1. “A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”  – Jerry Seinfeld


2. “Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” – Jenny McCarthy


3. “Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.” – Ryan Reynolds


4. “Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.” – Julia Roberts


5. “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” – Michelle Pfeiffer


6. As a parent, my hobbies include repeating myself, rage waiting, and repeating myself. – via realtoughdad


7. ‘Stop saying “we’re pregnant.” You’re not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady hole? No.’ ― Mila Kunis

8. ‘It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.’ – Unknown


9. “It’s always grounding to get the friendly reminder from your 3yr old that ‘mom, one day… You’re gonna turn SIXTY.’”— Kristen Bell 🔔 


10. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” — Erma Bombeck

11.“Stepping on a LEGO land mine at 4:30 a.m. while holding a baby and not falling should be an Olympic sport.” – Unknown


12. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” – Nora Ephron


13. “The fastest land animal is a toddler with something in his mouth.” – Unknown 🔔


14. “Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious.” – Unknown

15. “It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” – Betty White



16. “Bedtime is the leading cause of dehydration in children.” – Unknown🔔 



17. “My house looks like I’m losing a game of Jumanji.” – Unknown



18. “Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” – Nia Vardalos



19. “My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett



20. “The first 5 years of parenthood is like a 2 a.m. game of twister in your bed. And you are always the loser.”- Jennifer Betts


21. “Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet; no one really knows how.” – Unknown



22. “My kids are turning out just like me. Well played karma, well played.” – Unknown



23. “Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away.” – Unknown



24. “People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.” – Leo Burk



25. Having a child is liking getting a tattoo…on your face. You better be committed. – Eat Pray Love


My favourite one is number 10. Let me know what your favourite one is in the comments section below.

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